


Condoms and Toothpaste

by nimiofftherails



Series: Tumblr Prompts/Random Writing [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crack, Derek Couldn't Sleep, Fluff, Grocery Shopping, Insomnia, M/M, Meet-Cute, No Condoms Were Hurt In The Making Of This Fanfiction, Stiles is in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 14:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11315562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimiofftherails/pseuds/nimiofftherails
Summary: Derek's trying to decide between two different brands of toothpaste (it's a hard decision, they both promise fresh breath and shiny white teeth, give him a break) when he sees someone in his peripheral vision.Someone really nice looking.With a box of condoms.





	Condoms and Toothpaste

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know anymore. Thanks to christinewolf on Tumblr for letting me bounce ideas off her and giving me some in return. 
> 
> [Translation](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5685808)  
> into русский (Russian) now available thanks to [drunk_avocado](http://archiveofourown.org/users/drunk_avocado)
> 
>  

Derek isn’t exactly what you call _a stable human being._ He’s pretty messed up. A little bit lonely. Kind of an insomniac. Just a bit.

Usually, when he’s feeling a little too energized at three in the _fucking morning,_ he goes grocery shopping.

Which is what he is currently doing. This happens at least once a week.  He has a problem.

He’s trying to decide between two different brands of toothpaste (it’s a hard decision, they both promise fresh breath and shiny white teeth, give him a break) when he sees someone in his peripheral vision.

Someone really nice looking.

With a box of condoms.

***

Stiles likes to grocery shop at odd hours. He blames it on college life. The only free time he gets between classes, studying, and making time for Scott is when he’s meant to be sleeping but just _can’t_.

During these times, he also remembers that he actually has to eat at some point. Something that isn’t pop tarts and cup-o-noodles. Thus the grocery shopping at three a.m.

He’s just walking by aisle ten when he stops short. Because. _Because._ That guy is _very_ attractive and he looks like he’s trying to will the toothpaste to death just with the power of his magnificent eyebrows.

So. Stiles does the only logical thing his sleep-deprived brain can think of. He walks down the same aisle. And, promptly, grabs the first thing he sees.

Which happens to be a box of XXL condoms.

And Hot Eyebrows Guy is looking right at him.

Stiles searches his brain for something not-stupid to say, but the only thing that comes out thanks to 30 hours of not sleeping is, “Think these are any good?”

Hot Eyebrows Guy just blinks at him for a solid ten seconds with said eyebrows raised to his hairline, looking between Stiles’ face and the box of condoms before replying, “Condoms?”

Stiles feels like a complete idiot. His one interaction with a really hot guy he doesn’t know and he already screwed it up. He can probably fix this. The only way he knows how. Flailing and a lot of talking. “Well, I mean. I wouldn’t really know, and like, a guy like you probably has more experience than I do. You know - in the bedroom, I mean. Especially with this size-” _Oh my god,_ Stiles thinks. _I just made it so much worse._

“I mean, not that I would _know_ something like that about you.” Stiles tries to put the condoms back on the shelf, but just manages to make several other boxes fall to the floor. “ _Shit._ I mean, for all I know, it could be a lot smaller than this-”

Hot Eyebrows Guy continues to stare at him in complete bewilderment. Only then does he realize what just came out of his mouth, “Wow, I really need to shut up now.”

Stiles decides to just avoid eye contact and pick up the mess he made.

***

Derek can only stare as the guy who just implied he thought he had a small penis awkwardly picks up the boxes of condoms that ended up on the floor thanks to his flailing.

He’s obviously trying to avoid eye contact.

Derek has never been more offended and fascinated in his entire life. He didn’t even know that was _possible._

This guy is a _mess._ And, Derek might be a little in in love. _What the hell._

He’s brought out of his thoughts by the Condom Guy awkwardly standing up with the box still in his hand, the rest put away on the shelf.

“So, I guess I should just,” he gestures behind him as he starts to walk away.

Derek scrambles for something to say, “You’re a disaster,” is what comes out. _Damn it._

Condom Guy looks mildly offended, but also like he agrees with the statement.

Derek smiles a little helplessly, “Wanna date?”

The stranger does a double take at that and looks behind him as if Derek could be addressing anyone else in a grocery store at 3:15 a.m.

He looks completely surprised. Derek thinks it’s cute. He’ll die before he admits it out loud, though.

“Wait, seriously?” Condom Guy says.

Derek nods and digs in his pocket, pulling out his phone.

***

Stiles leaves the grocery store in a daze, having only bought a box of XXL condoms.

But, he does have Hot Eyebrow Guy’s ( _Derek’s_ ) number in his phone and plans to have coffee in a few hours.

Later, Scott calls him an idiot for not actually getting anything edible. Stiles counts it as a win anyway. So does Derek.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://nimi-off-the-rail.tumblr.com/)  
>   
> 
> [Reblog the Original Post!](http://nimi-off-the-rail.tumblr.com/post/162302677871/condoms-and-toothpaste)


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